Source: https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
Exploring Curiosity in Conversations
Curiosity can transform difficult conversations by shifting our mindset from judgment to neutral observation, allowing us to stay present in the moment. When we approach conversations with curiosity, we notice our feelings, needs, desires, and fears without labeling them as good or bad. This approach fosters productive dialogue and problem-solving and allows us stronger personal connections.
Judgment vs. Curiosity
Judgment involves negative assessments about ourselves or others, leading to unproductive conversations. Curiosity, on the other hand, allows us to explore our emotions and the emotions of others, leading to more constructive interactions. Often, in a difficult conversation, we can negatively judge ourselves, but we say the other person is making us feel a certain way. For example, we may say, "You make me feel so stupid." This is one of those "check engine light" moments that we need to pause and be curious. This feeling is coming from within us, and we are reacting out of a sense of inferiority.
Somatic Sensations
Awareness of what is happening in our body is crucial to creating curiosity. Difficult conversations often trigger physical reactions such as agitation, sweating, and a desire to cry or become angry. Recognizing these sensations and calming our nervous system can help us stay grounded and approach the conversation with a clearer mind.
Preparation for Conversations
When you expect the conversation to be emotional, shift your communication to understanding the other person. Transitioning from an adversarial mindset to a learning conversation involves understanding different perspectives, distinguishing between impact and intention, and recognizing contributions from all parties. This mindset fosters more productive and empathetic interactions. While we may think we know the other person's intention and thoughts, we genuinely don't unless the other party has stated them. All you know is how this impacts your feelings and thoughts, which can be powerful enough to hook us away from living out our values in the moment.
Three Action Steps:
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Shift to Curiosity: When faced with a difficult conversation, consciously shift your mindset from judgment to curiosity. Explore your own emotions and the emotions of others without labeling them as good or bad. Take time to name the feeling and make an "I Statement." (e.g., "I notice I am feeling frustrated when you said I didn't love you. Can you help me understand more about what you are feeling.")
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Recognize Somatic Sensations: Pay attention to physical reactions during challenging conversations. To stay grounded, take deep breaths, step away if possible, and calm your nervous system. Practice Heart-Focused Breathing or Dropping Anchor to reduce the stress response.
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Communicate to Understand: Approach conversations to learn and understand different perspectives. Work to understand as much as possible about the other person's feelings and when they have felt this way. Their brain and nervous system are likely getting hooked on past events and memories.
Source
Threading the Needle: Bringing Curiosity and Structure Into Difficult Conversations. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARjVckiQ9gQ
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