Have you ever found yourself in a conversation that turned difficult, leaving you feeling frustrated or misunderstood? It's a common experience, and often, the root cause lies in a lack of understanding of each other's intentions and the impact to our emotions or feelings of worth.
When conversations become challenging, it's usually because we are assuming we understand the other person's intentions. We can misinterpret their words or actions, leading to confusion and conflict. For instance, a colleague's or spouse’s constructive criticism might be perceived as a personal attack, simply because we don't understand their intention to help us improve.
On the flip side, the other party might not realize the impact their words, attitudes or body language is affecting us. This lack of awareness can escalate the situation, especially if we assume we understand their intention making it even harder to resolve the conflict.
Tips to navigate difficult conversations:
- Use Curiosity: Before reacting, take a moment to consider the other person's perspective. Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their intentions. This can help prevent misunderstandings and foster a more productive dialogue. Avoid questions that begin with “Why”, instead you may ask, “Can you help me understand more about….”
- Communicate What You Are Feeling: It's important to communicate how the conversation is impacting you. Use "I" statements to communicate your feelings without blaming the other person. For example, "I feel upset when you raise your voice" is more constructive than "You always yell at me".
- Ground Yourself: Emotions can run high during difficult conversations, but staying calm and grounding is crucial. Take time to focus on your heart and breathe a little slower. Acknowledge the feeling you are having and take time think of an attitude of curiosity , peace and love.
- Listen Actively: Show that you are listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing feedback. Reflect back to them what you just heard. You may say things like, “Let me make sure I am hearing what you are saying. I heard you say…”
By understanding each other's intentions and being mindful of the impact we are feeling, or they are feeling, we can navigate difficult conversations more effectively. It's not always easy, but with practice, we can improve our communication skills and build stronger, more understanding relationships.
Sources:
Stone, D., Patton, B., & Heen, S. (2010). Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin Books.
Abrams, Z. (2023, November 1). Conversations are essential to our well-being. Monitor on Psychology, 54(8). [https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/11/conversations-key-to-wellbeing](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/11/conversations-key-to-wellbeing)
Juan, E., Frum, C., Bianchi-Demicheli, F., Wang, Y.-W., Lewis, J. W., & Cacioppo, S. (2013). Beyond human intentions and emotions. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 7, 99. [https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00099](https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00099)
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